Excruciating Purpose

As I work in my calling, I am reminded why I used all sorts of substances, and other cunning diversion techniques to escape the reality of my pain. The struggle is real. Suddenly, it is clear, why pain is often camouflaged with masks, overachievement, status, social media popularity, and the like. It is difficult to face your scars, reopen them, ask God for healing, forgive yourself and others, and MOVE ON! Many proclaim, “my past is the past” I beg to differ. There are some who were told that they were failures, hence the unconscious need to prove that they are successful. Others may have been abused, and struggle in relationships. Then there are those like myself that have an eclectic array of abuse, neglect, self-hatred, and etc. to fill the Grand Canyon.grand-canyon-1183579__340

I simply must get it out. I have to mull over those seemingly irrelevant details of my past that cause my greatest subconscious battles. It is okay to perform routine psychoanalysis towards healing with the sovereignty of God as your compass. Counter-productivity arises when we refuse to grow from our past, thus remaining in bondage to events that are ancient history. My excruciating pain is giving God glory. As the man who attempted to obtain healing for years on end had to face his ailment, get in position for healing, and receive deliverance from Jesus, one cannot be made well by denying that there is the existence of “something” that has them bound. John 5

The tormenting purpose that I carry must be birthed. I began writing my manuscript roughly 2 months ago. It took me about 2 weeks. In my naiveté, I thought I was finished. Similar to a child that wolf’s down the most unpleasant part of a meal only to hear their parent say, “you’re not done!” God is calling me to let the stink out.  The smelly, detestable, abhorrent trauma, must come out. I am both pregnant and barren; I am pregnant with excruciating purpose and barren with brokenness. My counterintuitive state is divinely illogical. This process is maturing and hurting, joyous yet bitter, cleansing whilst evoking painful memories.pregnancy-23889__340

When the smoke clears, I will stand triumphantly toting that which once carried me. Prayerfully, transparency and prose will reveal the love of Jesus to another hurting individual. Foolishly, many expect to come to God and watch their troubles drift away with the tiny ripples of the sea. To the contrary, God calls us to do things that seem impossible, stand when everyone else crumbles, rejoice in our suffering. Are his expectations cruel or unrealistic? Never! God only requests of us what He knows we can do with His power. To further this, He came in flesh to live out his expectations before our very eyes. As I strive for greatness through my pain, to reach those overcome by pain, I am privy to an unlimited supply of God’s love, power, mercy, and grace. Join me.bible-cross-thorns-1805790__340

All images courtesy of Pixabay

29 Comments Add yours

  1. The process of healing is both painful and soothing. You are so right. Sometimes, even through the healing, we are left with a limp that will stay with us for life. At first, I loathed that limp; it was embarrassing to me for the world to see my weakness and my pain. However, slowly over time, I am realizing my pain allows me to share my story. Through my story, His glory is revealed. So, I will glory in my weaknesses, for “through my weaknesses, He is made strong!” 💗 I will be praying for you. God is good, and He is faithful. Trust Him. He will see you through! 😉

    Liked by 6 people

    1. Lady Jay says:

      Thank you sis! This process is maturing and securing my faith in Jesus. God is causing a father growth spurt!

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Thank you for sharing your heart, Lady Jay. Yes, the process can be excruciating and yet so necessary in order for us to grow more like Jesus. With you, I pray that “transparency and prose will reveal the love of Jesus to another hurting individual.” God uses our pain for a purpose!

    I read your story with tears in my eyes. I’m so sorry for all you have gone through. Thanks be to God who picked you up as a bleeding, wounded woman and gave you life in Him!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lady Jay says:

      My apologies, I missed this. God bless you and Thank you Trudy! I am determined for God tho get the glory out of my pain. Suffering has great purpose!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Wally Fry says:

    Thanks so much for following my blog, and may you find a blessing there!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lady Jay says:

      Thanks Wally! My apologies, I missed this comment. Anyhoo, I look forward to growing in Christ with you!

      Like

  4. Thanks so much for your post – life, even the Christian life is not some perfect present, all perfectly wrapped – only God can move us from being held by our past, identified by it to seeing our painful past as only a part of our lives and not the whole – God’s given you a gift with the written word thanks for sharing it

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Lady Jay says:

      Thanks Helpful Pastor! To God be the glory! I’ve learned to view hardships as opportunities to pray, grow, and praise. Instead of responding with self-pity, God is teaching me to give Him the glory in it ALL.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s awesome Lady Jay – that is the biggest decision I think we all face – focus on ourselves or look to Christ – sounds so easy but its a moment by moment choice – I’ve just started blogging about depression and found so many can relate and need what God alone can bring – (https://helpfulpastor.com/2017/01/26/is-depression-a-sign-of-weakness-for-a-christian/)

        Liked by 1 person

  5. A powerful and moving post. There are so many in pain. I am certain your story will find an audience, and do others much good. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Lady Jay says:

      Thank you Anna! Suddenly suffering is beginning to make sense. Be blessed!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Thanks for an inspiring and real post. It’s true that the pain is still there, what helps me is the spark of joy that only HE provides. I will pay for your healing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lady Jay says:

      A million thanks! May God continue to bless you in all you do!

      Like

  7. Beautiful truth here. I haven’t endured some of the pains you have. What I’m finding as I walk out my journey is that, in coming to God, He walks me through the healing. He rarely simply removes the pain. It’s as I confront those things in my life that He reveals His truth . . . about who He is, about the pain, and about the hope of finding healing and peace. But, it only happens as we come to Him, doesn’t it? I’m praying for you today as you walk this journey and put your words onto the “page.”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lady Jay says:

      Amen Jeanne! Thank you in advance for your prayers. I love your statement, “it only works when we come to Him…” As He keeps us through it all; however, we must first surrender.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Lady Jay says:

      Wow!Thank you bunches!

      Like

  8. Andy Oldham says:

    Love your “About” section. Thanks for finding and following my blog. Blessings!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lady Jay says:

      Thank you Andy! It is my pleasure indeed.

      Like

  9. bornagain732 says:

    Amen! Love this! TO GOD BE THE GLORY ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lady Jay says:

      Thank you! To God be the glory for the things he has done.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. beautiful!!! God Bless you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lady Jay says:

      Thanks sis! Be blessed.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. realtalk859 says:

    Stopping by for the first time. I am blessed by your testimony. God has given you triumph from your tragic situations. I have some trauma and tragedy in my past as well. But God! He has given me victory and allows me to minister to those in my sphere of influenced from those areas that used to be filled with pain. He gave me joy for sorrow and beauty for ashes so that I may help pull my sister out of the pit. I see God doing the same with you through this format. Bless you!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Lady Jay says:

      Thanks sis! To God be the glory! Additionally, God is calling me to step out of my comfort zone, again, and reach the lost that may never read a blog. Please keep me in prayer as I launch out into the deep. Blessings!

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Joanna Lynn says:

    Great post! So, so often I have been asked why I am “revisiting my past and going to counseling”. They say I just need to move forward. I tell them I have moved forward, but all that I’ve pushed away without working through is still there and surfaces at different times when something triggers it. That is not living in freedom. That only comes from work and God. Thanks for writing the post.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lady Jay says:

      Amen sis! May God continue to bless you as you work, trust, and grow!

      Like

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