That twelve-year-old dined in the latrine. They bullied her out of the cafeteria, past the principal’s office, all the way to the grimy lavatory. How could a pudgy, intellect overcome such torment? What made her so unworthy? This wasn’t David against Goliath, this was David against Goliath and his three brothers who were just as big and ruthless. I’m talking a pre-teen battling shame, guilt, doubt, and fear. She acquiesced and dropped out of school, ran away from home and laid on her back to feel accepted and loved. That’s right. Acceptance and love. That’s what she was craved yet never received. She would rather die than to be rejected but there was one who died and was rejected that she might be accepted in the Beloved.
Experimenting with street drugs until she developed a habit, she became dependent on dependence. Codependence and abusive relationships hallmarked her life. Eventually, she would try this white powdery substance that makes your heart race and gives you a superwoman persona for about ten minutes, then she must chase it again. All her quests to support this habit in place of love and acceptance for herself led to a lengthy prison sentence. It was behind the cold, steel bars of a correctional facility that she learned about the quadruplet demons she would have to face before she could be free. Wrestling with thoughts of how life wasn’t that bad as a slave she committed to never being the same addicted, prostitute she was when she was first arrested.
The One who died for her introduced Himself in that prison cell. He advised her that she had options. She could either go to the mental ward, lock or follow Him. That twelve-year-old in a woman’s body decided it was time for a change and chose to follow the Gentleman who graciously gave His life in her place. After serving her time in prison she thought that because she changed her name from Sunshine to Jennifer and read the Bible that she did not have to fight to maintain the new life she gained. Quickly, she relapsed into old patterns of thought and even quicker into old patterns of behavior.
Jesus sent out a search party for her S.O.S. and rescued her from herself again there was more healing that needed to occur in her soul. She needed to get on God’s operating table and remain there for a while. So, she did. This is after a failed marriage, having a child with severe Autism while trying to manage her own Bipolar and PTSD symptoms. Finally, she learned that to move forward she must look backward. She revisited the latrine. She went back to the place of her greatest humiliation and shame and took the power from the bullies. This twelve-year-old in a woman’s body realized if she wanted to become a full-grown woman, emotionally she must grow past the pain and trauma of what was done to her.
She realized that shame, guilt, fear, and doubt was nailed to the cross. When Jesus died, the power of those things over her died when she believed in Him as her Savior. And when He resurrected. She resurrected without those things weighing in her soul. She has been quickened. Today she serves as a minister at her church, a full-time mom, she witnesses and evangelizes in the prison and detention centers and is used mightily by God. There isn’t a day that goes by that she does not thank God for changing her life. This short story marks the beginning of miracles in the life of this great woman of God.
©A Necessary Pain 2018
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