I’m at the point in my life where I desire to build lasting relationships with worthy people. Yet, I am on the fence that was made by my shame. I’ve been rejected so many times that the fence is not only cemented in the ground of my heart, it also has barbed wire. Escaping this prison that I’ve created to protect myself from pain and disappointment will hurt. It will require that I get uncomfortable and do a series of uncomfortable things. First I am going to have to be vulnerable and visible. When people used to try to get close to me I would scream “UNCLEAN.” I felt because of the humiliation and shame of my past that I was unclean and therefore unworthy of love from others. Additionally, voices in my head would fire off at lighting speed saying that ultimately the person would reject me if they really knew who I was. So I’ve spent my life trying to be someone else for fear of being rejected again. But in the name of Jesus, fear has lost its power over me.
“As it is said, “Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion.”” Hebrews 3:15
God is calling me to let go of the fear of rejection. I hear His voice. I also hear the voice of my shame. I’m done obeying shame, pain, and guilt. God wants the best life for me and that involves opening my heart again to be hurt trusting that He will take the sting out of any potential harm. The greatest harm was not the rejection that I experienced from others but the rejection that I exhibited against myself. This year I am digging up my authentic self, peeling off the layers of masks and being who God predestined me to be.
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© A Necessary Pain Ministries 2019